“Train yourself to let go of everything you fear to lose.”

Imagine if the only thing we feared to lose was Jesus. Imagine if everything else we had was held in an open hand and we were willing to let God take it if that is what He decided. If we did that, idols would have no hold on us.

I pray for that day.

Most people, when they talk about getting closer to God, describe their study time and prayer, the traditional “quiet time.” I hope that works for them. It doesn’t for me. I read and then I get up and forget what I have read. Or, worse yet, I don’t read and I feel guilty like I have ignored an appointment with God and left Him in the waiting room. I am not sure when Scripture reading and prayer became duties for me. I just know that I want more intimacy, not more information alone.

I need information for the intimacy to be truthful. That has always concerned me. Jesus Christ brought grace AND truth. I want it all. I just know that in my life, information often becomes an idol and replaces God. While I need to know true things about God, that information is meant to help me know God better, not so that I can get the right answers on the pop quiz later.

Quiet time normally means I take some time reading and then praying for needs in my life and those I love. This lasts between 15 and 45 minutes and then I move on with my day. That doesn’t work for me. I need God to be speaking into my life 24/7 even though I can’t read that often. I need what God describes in Psalm 1 or Joshua 1:8 where God’s word is the meditation of my heart day and night. If I cannot remember what I have read after I close my Bible, I can’t take it with me when I go out and live the life God has planned for me. Something has to stick. That is what I want. I want the kind of meal that sticks with you all day and maybe even the next day. There has to be some way for this to happen. That is my search.

You might not struggle like me. If you are able to sit down and read your Bible, pray the appropriate things afterward and feel close to God, great! I am very happy for you. I have struggled with that and now I realize I need to change.

So I stopped studying Scripture.

Now I want to dwell in it, to savor it. Before I tried to understand everything that was in it so that I could explain it to anyone. Now I want to treasure it and make sure I know how it works in my life. Now what it reveals about God Himself matters more.

Here is my plan. Over the last 8 months, I read through the whole Bible. It was wonderful and gave me such a great overview of God’s plan and story. Now I am going to do two things at the same time.
1. I am going to read through it again, quickly. I am using a plan where I read 10 chapters a day from 10 different places in the Bible. You can check out the plan for yourself. I am very excited about it and have already started.
2. I am going to meditate on one section every day. Right now I am spending time each day in Romans 8:28 and the surrounding verses. The point is not to see how many verses I can meditate on. The plan is to take as long as I need to see that verse explode in my life, changing how I live. I am going to start with meditating on this verse for a week and see if that is enough time. If not, I will take a second week.

What I want to resist is the “reading just to read” mentality. I don’t want the word to go through me like a pipe. I want it to take root in me. I want to live it out, not just read it through. Between the two plans above, I should be able to get a view from a skyscraper and a street level view of certain portions of Scripture—the best of both worlds.

It wasn’t a “Christian” ending, whatever that might mean. What people typically mean by that is that it doesn’t line up with the Christian worldview. I am constantly amazed that we expect things of this world to line up perfectly. It was as close as you can get from a pagan team. It was inclusive of most religions and true of none of them. Any time you mix all the religions together into a blob, you lose the significant aspects of each. I am most offended that the distinctives of Christianity are lost, but what would I expect. It is my job, as someone who believes in the one true God, to proclaim His excellencies to everyone. (1 Peter 2:9) I want a television show to do that for me, but how stupid is that?!

As I said, I finished watching this season with a feeling that something was missing. So much was missing. What I realized this morning was that I actually like that fact. If LOST fulfilled all my desires and ended as the perfect story, I would want to live in that story. I would make it into an idol. I would create my own version of the story and mentally live there for the rest of my life. I don’t want to do that.

I live in the only perfect story. I live in the one I was created for and it really is not about me. This story is about God and His glory.

We take something created and expect it to fill us, to help us, to fulfill us. Do we really think that will work? Are we that foolish? Are we that willing to turn away from what God says? In most cases, yes.

I have other thoughts and hope to post them soon. But the reality is that as Christians, we should not look to LOST for the answers. God has already given them.

I have been savoring a journal of a young man you have probably heard of–Jim Elliot. Here is a picture of a young man who longs to make much of Christ. He struggles, but so do the rest of us. What I love is that he is so singularly focused. He is truly a soldier of Jesus.

Share in suffering as a good soldier of Christ Jesus. No soldier gets entangled in civilian pursuits, since his aim is to please the one who enlisted him. (2 Timothy 2:3-4 ESV)

This book that I am reading is filled with bits of his journal. Enjoy just a taste of this wonderful book that is so encouraging and convicting to me.

“God, I pray Thee, light these idle sticks of my life and may I burn up for Thee. Consume my life, my God, for it is Thine. I seek not a long life but a full one, like you, Lord Jesus.” Shadow of the Almighty:The Life and Testament of Jim Elliot page 55

In a letter to his future wife he wrote, “So He has, by His concealing of Himself, given me longings that can only be slaked when Psalm 17:15 is realized.” Psalm 17:15 says, “As for me, I shall behold your face in righteousness; when I awake, I shall be satisfied with your likeness.”  (Psalm 17:15 ESV)

Can you describe your longing for God this way or your deepest desires for your life? I know I need to learn from this 20 year old. How about you?

All of this got me thinking about the gospel in relation to sickness. If the gospel is meant to be the driving force in my life and if it is to impact everything going on with me, what does it have to do with being sick?

1. Being sick reminds me of my dependence on God for everything. I cannot do anything on my own. I like to think I am independent, but that is folly. I need Him.
2. Being sick brings all of my sinful attitudes to light so that I can deal with them. Nothing like feeling sick to see how selfish I am. I really am a big baby when I am sick. I hear that most guys struggle with the same problem.
3. Being sick reminds me that I will not live forever. It reminds me that Christ has accomplished so much more than simply making people well here on Earth. He promises eternal life. I need that. My time here is numbered.
4. My kids being sick, on the other hand, reminds me that my treasure is not here on earth. It is so easy for me to make idols out of my children; I love them so much. But when they are sick it reminds me to look beyond them to the One who has given them to me to take care of.

What do you think about concerning the gospel and being sick? I would love to hear how you seek to treasure Jesus in times like this.

I am still here. I have not disappeared from the face of the earth, though it might have seemed that way.

I have just been working hard on the counseling class that I have started through CCEF. I am loving the class, but it has taken more time and work than I initially expected. It has already been worth the extra work, but I do want to get going on posting here yet again.

So, what have you been reading lately that we can discuss? What is God teaching you? I will be posting some things in the next couple of days, but if you have something to contribute, please do.

I have been reading David Martyn Lloyd-Jones and that has been wonderful. I truly enjoy his writing and the major biography by Iain Murray. More about this soon.

That’s all for now. I just wanted to say, “I’m back!”

See you soon.

But I have been thinking about making someone my companion this year, following the model of Piper with his biography messages. It seems like a good idea to walk along the path with a godly saint and see what I can learn. I have kicked this idea around a bit in the past, but have never done it. This year I am going to try.

So, who should it be? This year I want to grow in faithfulness to the word of God, proclaiming that word boldly. I also want to increase my zeal or passion for God. There are many saints from the past I could choose, simply based on those issues, but I am going to focus on David Martyn Lloyd-Jones.

I have always liked his writing, which is really just his sermons transcribed and edited. This year (April until next April) I want to read the two volume biography by Iain Murray (here and here) as well as many of his books.  There is one place you can get mp3s of him teaching, so I will try to listen to as many sermons as I can afford. My hope is that I will understand the man behind all of these messages and learn the lessons I need to from his life.

Pray for me and join me if you wish. It should be an interesting ride. I will post some of the things I am learning here on the blog and on the ministry facebook page. I have already started the reading. If you know of a book or series I must read during this time, let me know in the comments. Thanks and check back throughout the year.

Currently Pam and I are in the long and hard portion. Pam just posted on Facebook a good brief view of craziness.

Is it just me or are two of the most challenging times of the day getting the kids ready in the morning and getting them ready for bed? “Focus Kohl focus. What do you need to do next Sweetie? Why is your shirt on backwards? Why have you pushed out half of the toothpaste? Why do you have both feet in one leg of your pants? Why are you putting both socks on one foot? Why are you washing the wall with soap?”

Welcome to the Feather household. As much as I love my kids, bedtime is a bear. I want to like it. I want to be able to pray and rejoice in God’s goodness, but often at that moment I am just trying to survive with my sanity. All of you probably have glorious times of putting your kids to bed, thanking God for such obedient children. I’m glad for you. For me the hour before bed is like me getting closer and closer to being tortured. It is waiting for those who hold me captive to come and get me, taking me to the rack for a good stretching. Only slight exaggeration there.

What makes this time so frustrating? It is simple, really. I want my way and my children want something completely different. Why bedtime? Because we have a deadline that I am trying to meet and all of their energies converge to miss that deadline.

So how is this a gospel moment? Let me count the ways.

1. My kids are sinners, just like me. I don’t know why I get amnesia and think that things are going to go smoothly, but often I assume without any extra work on my part that they will just wise up and stop their actions. Not gonna happen. They come from me. They get their disobedience honestly. The faster I recognize my own sinfulness and the need for God’s grace in my life, the more the gospel is dictating my response to them.

2. I have an agenda. Most often when I am frustrated over something, it is because I have a plan and whatever is frustrating me is simply getting in the way of my plan. I want a calm, restful bedtime for my kids and then to be able to go work on what I want. This is just a tiny little bit selfish, don’t you think? I can have a plan, as long as I realize that God’s plan trumps mine. If my children are particularly squirrelly one evening, God must want me to pay more attention to them. My plan goes out the window and I embrace God’s plan. At least this is how it is supposed to work. Pray for me.

3. My frustrated response. It is going to bother me that things don’t go my way, but my frustration shows that I am unwilling to die to self. I hold on to my ideas so much that even when given the opportunity to bend toward God’s, I fight against it. Not too different than my children fighting against me. I am the child and I am typically unwilling to give up my longings.

There are more ways this hour each night can be a gospel moment, but right now these are my focus. What would you add? Are there ways you fight this?

“Our love must be characterized by a responsiveness that not only loves God but also all those He places in our path.” Page 89 emphasis added

The story is told that John Newton, while he was working along, always welcomed people who came to see him. He would invite them in and basically say, “Let’s find out why God has brought you to me today.” He saw every moment with others as a “divine appointment.” That is a bit convicting for me. Too often, I see people who come to me as a hindrance to what I am trying to get accomplished. They are getting in my way of my agenda. Not exactly pouring out love, am I?

As a Christian who values the sovereignty of God, it is amazing how I forget that He places people in my path. I often get so focused on doing something for God that I forget to pay attention to what He is doing. We are to be a people characterized by love. No one on the planet has been more loved, so this same love should just pour out of us into the lives of everyone we meet. What gets in the way?

Loving God I get. I don’t always do it, but I understand that is important. Loving people, real, sinful people, that is a bit more difficult. To be honest, my struggle comes from the fact that I want my way and difficult people don’t want to do things my way. I have to die to my own wants in order to love the way I have been loved. While I want the results of such a love, I don’t always want to sacrifice like that.

What will help me? Only God. What does it look like?

I need to dig deep into Scripture and pray for wisdom to see His heart toward me. I need to plead with the Holy Spirit to open my eyes to apprehend the amazing love that surpasses knowledge.

“and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.” Ephesians 3:19

With diligence on my part and the illuminating work of the Spirit in my life, only then will I have the ability to love others even when they are difficult. Only then will I see how difficult I have been and how God loves me. That well is deep and will flood over into my relationships with others. I pray this for me and for you. Who do you struggle to love? Who does God have in your life right now to help you see this point?